dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
