thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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