Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I could fuck to npr.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
