Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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