oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
