the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
