First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
