I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just found a bag of teeth...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
