Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
