I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
