she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
