Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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