ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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