we have pet lesbian snakes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
