Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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