if you like me you must not know who I am
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
