People in love make me want to vomit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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