you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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