The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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