Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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