I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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