Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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