Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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