it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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