Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
