That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
