im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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