My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
