Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
