I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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