im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
