all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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