Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
