How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
