So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
