Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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