I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
