You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
