youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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