I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
