Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
