Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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