So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i love accidental penises.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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