So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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