Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
