I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
