I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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