i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
