my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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