Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
