What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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