It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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