Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
