i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
