mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
