i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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