She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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