how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
