Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sext me about skeletons
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
