I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
