My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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