I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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