I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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