I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
